the desi blog that shocks!
Strictly Jokes!
~ The Diet ~ [DV]
01 year ago
by DesiVitch
in Strictly Jokes!
A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet.
“I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks.
The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least 5 pounds.”
When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 40 pounds.
“Why, that’s amazing!” the doctor said,
“Did you follow my instructions?”
The blonde nodded… “I’ll tell you though,
I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day.”
“From hunger, you mean?”, asked the doctor.
” No, from skipping.”
“I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks.
The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least 5 pounds.”
When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 40 pounds.
“Why, that’s amazing!” the doctor said,
“Did you follow my instructions?”
The blonde nodded… “I’ll tell you though,
I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day.”
“From hunger, you mean?”, asked the doctor.
” No, from skipping.”
~ Understanding ~ [DV]
01 year ago
by DesiVitch
in Strictly Jokes!
A wife was very unhappy with her car and complained a lot to her
husband:
"Buy me a surprise for my birthday" she said. "Something that
accelerates from 0 to 80 in 4 seconds"......." And I would prefer a
blue one please"!
Happy and excited she was counting down the days for her birthday.
And finally she got the beautiful present her husband thoughtfully
bought...... .......
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A Blue Coloured Weighing Machine
husband:
"Buy me a surprise for my birthday" she said. "Something that
accelerates from 0 to 80 in 4 seconds"......." And I would prefer a
blue one please"!
Happy and excited she was counting down the days for her birthday.
And finally she got the beautiful present her husband thoughtfully
bought...... .......
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A Blue Coloured Weighing Machine
Ducks with Umbrellas [RdY]
01 year ago
by DesiVitch
in Strictly Jokes!
Ducks with Umbrellas
A kindergarten teacher handed out a coloring page to her class. On it was a picture of a duck holding an umbrella. The teacher told her class to color the duck in yellow and the umbrella green, however, Bobby, the class rebel, colored the duck in a bright fire truck red. After seeing this, the teacher asked him: "Bobby, how many times have you see a red duck?" Young Bobby replied, "The same number of times I've seen a duck holding an umbrella."
A kindergarten teacher handed out a coloring page to her class. On it was a picture of a duck holding an umbrella. The teacher told her class to color the duck in yellow and the umbrella green, however, Bobby, the class rebel, colored the duck in a bright fire truck red. After seeing this, the teacher asked him: "Bobby, how many times have you see a red duck?" Young Bobby replied, "The same number of times I've seen a duck holding an umbrella."
Letter from Banta Singh to Mr. Bill Gates
01 year ago
by DesiVitch
in Strictly Jokes!
Letter from Banta Singh to Mr. Bill Gates
Hilarious Leave applications
01 year ago
by DesiVitch
in Strictly Jokes!
Hilarious Leave applications
See How people write leave Applications. It's murder of English language. But Too Funny. Just Read It. The Leave Applications; )
See How people write leave Applications. It's murder of English language. But Too Funny. Just Read It. The Leave Applications; )
•
Infosys, Bangalore: An employee applied for leave as follows:
"Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave."
should be an attractive deal!
• This is from Oracle Bangalore: >From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:
"as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days.."
He needs to practice first! Hence 2 days.
• Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:
"as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."
******.
• From H.A.L. Administration Dept:
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave."
Confession!
• Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave
Perhaps his ghost will return after the half a day CL.
• An incident of a leave letter:
"I am suffering from fever, please declare one-day holiday."
Very benevolent towards his colleagues!
• A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"
Poor boy! He should seek T.C.
• Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day."
Ouch..
• Covering note:
"I am enclosed herewith..." A personal mail delivered by himself.
• Another one: really good one……………
"Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..." To what? References of two people to be referred to?
• Actual letter written for application of leave:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave". Poor chap, he is not sure what happens to his wife when she is away from home.
• Letter writing:-
"I am well here and hope you are also in the same well." Yeah, wet!
• A candidate's job application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the post. " Perhaps he went through *** change operation.
Infosys, Bangalore: An employee applied for leave as follows:
"Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave."
should be an attractive deal!
• This is from Oracle Bangalore: >From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:
"as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days.."
He needs to practice first! Hence 2 days.
• Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:
"as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."
******.
• From H.A.L. Administration Dept:
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave."
Confession!
• Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave
Perhaps his ghost will return after the half a day CL.
• An incident of a leave letter:
"I am suffering from fever, please declare one-day holiday."
Very benevolent towards his colleagues!
• A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"
Poor boy! He should seek T.C.
• Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day."
Ouch..
• Covering note:
"I am enclosed herewith..." A personal mail delivered by himself.
• Another one: really good one……………
"Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..." To what? References of two people to be referred to?
• Actual letter written for application of leave:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave". Poor chap, he is not sure what happens to his wife when she is away from home.
• Letter writing:-
"I am well here and hope you are also in the same well." Yeah, wet!
• A candidate's job application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the post. " Perhaps he went through *** change operation.
Hilarious Leave applications
01 year ago
by DesiVitch
in Strictly Jokes!
Hilarious Leave applications
See How people write leave Applications. It's murder of English language. But Too Funny. Just Read It. The Leave Applications; )
See How people write leave Applications. It's murder of English language. But Too Funny. Just Read It. The Leave Applications; )
•
Infosys, Bangalore: An employee applied for leave as follows:
"Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave."
should be an attractive deal!
• This is from Oracle Bangalore: >From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:
"as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days.."
He needs to practice first! Hence 2 days.
• Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:
"as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."
******.
• From H.A.L. Administration Dept:
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave."
Confession!
• Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave
Perhaps his ghost will return after the half a day CL.
• An incident of a leave letter:
"I am suffering from fever, please declare one-day holiday."
Very benevolent towards his colleagues!
• A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"
Poor boy! He should seek T.C.
• Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day."
Ouch..
• Covering note:
"I am enclosed herewith..." A personal mail delivered by himself.
• Another one: really good one……………
"Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..." To what? References of two people to be referred to?
• Actual letter written for application of leave:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave". Poor chap, he is not sure what happens to his wife when she is away from home.
• Letter writing:-
"I am well here and hope you are also in the same well." Yeah, wet!
• A candidate's job application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the post. " Perhaps he went through *** change operation.
Infosys, Bangalore: An employee applied for leave as follows:
"Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave."
should be an attractive deal!
• This is from Oracle Bangalore: >From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:
"as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days.."
He needs to practice first! Hence 2 days.
• Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:
"as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."
******.
• From H.A.L. Administration Dept:
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave."
Confession!
• Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave
Perhaps his ghost will return after the half a day CL.
• An incident of a leave letter:
"I am suffering from fever, please declare one-day holiday."
Very benevolent towards his colleagues!
• A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"
Poor boy! He should seek T.C.
• Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day."
Ouch..
• Covering note:
"I am enclosed herewith..." A personal mail delivered by himself.
• Another one: really good one……………
"Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..." To what? References of two people to be referred to?
• Actual letter written for application of leave:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave". Poor chap, he is not sure what happens to his wife when she is away from home.
• Letter writing:-
"I am well here and hope you are also in the same well." Yeah, wet!
• A candidate's job application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the post. " Perhaps he went through *** change operation.
philosophy of boyz…{DV}
01 year ago
by DesiVitch
in Strictly Jokes!
[-DESIVIBES-]
Philosophy of Boyz...
Flirt
with innocent girl
Frndship
with charming girl
contact
wid cute girl
luv
wid sincere girl
&
marriage wid
with whom mother say.
Flirt
with innocent girl
Frndship
with charming girl
contact
wid cute girl
luv
wid sincere girl
&
marriage wid
with whom mother say.
Differences between you and your boss {DV}
01 year ago
by DesiVitch
in Strictly Jokes!
[-DESIVIBES-]
Differences between you and your boss
When you take a long time, you're slow.
When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.
When you don't do it, you're lazy.
When your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.
When you make a mistake, you're an idiot.
When your boss makes a mistake, he's only human.
When doing something without being told, you're overstepping your authority.
When your boss does the same thing, that's initiative.
When you take a stand, you're being pig-headed.
When your boss does it, he's being firm.
When you overlooked a rule of ettiquette, you're being rude.
When your boss skips a few rules, he's being original.
When you please your boss, you're arse-creeping.
When your boss pleases his boss, he's being co-operative.
When you're out of the office, you're wandering around.
When your boss is out of the office, he's on business.
When you're on a day off sick, you're always sick.
When your boss has a day off sick, he must be very ill.
When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.
When your boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked.
Doctar and Patient
01 year ago
by DesiVitch
in Strictly Jokes!
Doctor and Patient
doc:tabyat kc he ab
mariz: pehle se ziada khrab he
doc: dawai khali thi kya
mriz:nai dawa ki shishi to bhari hui thi
doc:i mean dawai le li thi
mriz:ji ap ne di thi to mene le li thi
doc:bewaquf dawai pi li thi
mriz:nai ji dawai to laal thi
doc:abe gadhe dawai ko pi liya tha
mriz:nai sahb piliya to muje tha
doc: saale dawa [...]
mariz: pehle se ziada khrab he
doc: dawai khali thi kya
mriz:nai dawa ki shishi to bhari hui thi
doc:i mean dawai le li thi
mriz:ji ap ne di thi to mene le li thi
doc:bewaquf dawai pi li thi
mriz:nai ji dawai to laal thi
doc:abe gadhe dawai ko pi liya tha
mriz:nai sahb piliya to muje tha
doc: saale dawa [...]
~ Strangers on a Train ~
01 year ago
by DesiVitch
in Strictly Jokes!
Two strangers, a man and a woman, find themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they are tired and fall asleep quickly—he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.
At 1 A.M., the man leans over and gently wakes the woman and says, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."
"I have a better idea," the woman replies. "Just for tonight, let's pretend we're married."
"Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaims.
"Good," she replies. "Now, get your own damn blanket!"
At 1 A.M., the man leans over and gently wakes the woman and says, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."
"I have a better idea," the woman replies. "Just for tonight, let's pretend we're married."
"Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaims.
"Good," she replies. "Now, get your own damn blanket!"
Atimad
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