Strictly Jokes!

~ Funny Sardar jokes ~

0
1 year ago
by DesiVitch in
Sardar: I hav'nt slept all night in the train.
Friend: Why?
Sardar: Got upper berth.
Friend: Why did'nt u exchanged?
Sardar: oye, there was nobody to exchange in the lower Berth..

------------

Sardar tells a girl "Come 2 my house at night, nobody will be there......
Girl goes at night & really nobody was there

------------

A SARDAR went to a BANK to open a S.B. A/C.
After seeing the Form He had gone to DELHI for filling up. You know why?
FORM said " FILL UP IN CAPITAL ".

------------

A sardar invested 2 Lakhs in a business and suffered huge Loss.
Do u know what the business was?
He opened a Saloon in Punjab !

------------

A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after every 10 sec a women gives birth to a kid.
A Sardar stands up- we must find & stop her!

------------

Sardar had twins; he named them Tin Martin.
Again had twins & named Peter & Repeater...
again twins & named Max & Climax.
Again d same. disgusted Sardar named them
TIRED & RETIRED!

------------

19 sardars went for a film. On asking why they came in a big group of 19.
They replied that the film was only for above 18...

------------

A sardharji photographer focusing a dead body's face in a funeral function, suddenly all relatives beat him why?
He said "SMILE PLEASE"

------------

Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense.
Sardar: The future tense is "you will go to jail".

------------

Sardar gets ready ,wears tie, coat ,goes out, climbs tree, sits on the branch regularly. A man asks why he does this.
Sardar: "I've been promoted as branch manager."

------------

Sardarji standing below a tube light with a open mouth.......Why?
because his doctor advised him "Today's dinner should be light"

------------

Sardarji was filling up application form for a job.
He was not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary Expected".
After much thought he wrote : Yes!

------------

One sardarji professor asked a plumber to come to his college.
U know Why?
Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking...

------------

Santa! Your daughter has died!
Depressed, Sardar jumps from 100th floor
At 50th floor he remembers I don't have a daughter!
At 25flr:I'm unmarried!
At 10flr:I'm Banta not santa

------------

A dog was chasing a Sardar and the Sardar was laughing.
A bystander: why are u laughing?
Sardar: I have a Air cell phone but still hutch network is following me.

------------

Sardar wins 20 crore from Rs. 20 lottery ticket.
Dealer gave 11 cr after deducting tax.
Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 cr or else return my 20 Rs back.!

------------

A teacher told all students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match.
All were busy writing except one Sardarji. He wrote "DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!"

------------

Postman:- I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver U This
Packet Sardar:- why did u come so far. Instead u could have posted it....

------------

What does a sardar do after taking a xerox?
He will compare it with the original for any spelling mistakes.

------------

WHY CANT SARDARS DIAL NINE-ELEVEN (911) AT EMERGENCY?
THEY CAN NOT FIND THE ELEVEN ON THE PHONE.

------------

Sardar & his wife buy coffee in a shop.
Sardar says... Drink quickly..... ..
Wife asks why...
sardar says hot coffee Rs5 and cold coffee Rs10

------------

A Sardar & his wife filed an application 4 Divorce.
Judge asked: How'll U divide, U"VE 3 children?
Sardar replied: Ok! We"ll apply NEXT YEAR

------------

Sardar's wish :when i die,i want to die like my grandpa who died peacefuly in his sleep not screaming like all the passengers in the car he was driving..

------------

Sardar at an Art Gallery : I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art ?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!

------------

Sardar was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?
Sardar: "I'm writing 2 my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast..

-------------

Sardar news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in Punjab .
Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for more..

-------------

Sardar visits Chinese friend dying in hospital. Man says CHIN YU YAN n dies.
Srdr goes to china to find meaning of friends last words.
It is 'U R STANDNG ON OXYGEN TUBE!"

-------------

Sardarji was standing in front of the mirror with his eyes closed.
His wife asked what you are doing ?
He said-im seeing how i look while sleeping.

-------------


Press Thanks...

MB & Girl

0
1 year ago
by DesiVitch in





MB was driving on a bridge when he noticed an young good looking girl going to jump off the bridge. He stops the car and rushes to save the girl, holds her and asked "What are you doing?".

The girl says, "I am trying to commit suicide and nothing can stop me or save me."

MB was greatly attracted, did not find any solution to save her, asked, "Well before you jump off let us kiss as if there is no tomorrow."

The girl agreed and they kissed and kissed, french style and all.

After she's finished, MB says, "Wow! You are a great kisser, You are wasting a great talent. Why are you committing suicide?"

"My parents don't support me dressing up in a girl's dress."

Lolsssss!!!! !!!!



an unusual funeral

0
1 year ago
by DesiVitch in
A man was leaving a cafe with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession A funeral coffin was followed by a second one about 50 feet behind the first. Behind the second coffin was a solitary man
walking with a black dog. Behind him was a queue of 200 men walking in single line. The man couldn`t stand his curiosity.

He approached the man walking with the dog, "I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I`ve never seen a funeral like this with so many of you walking in single line. Whose funeral is it?"

The man replied, "Well, that first coffin is for my wife."

"What happened to her?"

The man replied, "My dog attacked and killed her."

He inquired further, "Well, who is in the second coffin? "

The man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog attacked and killed her also."

A thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two men. Then the first one asks in excitement ,
"Can I borrow the dog?"

The man replied, "Join the queue. "

bride

0
1 year ago
by DesiVitch in
Once a young Brahmin went to the house of a very respectable Old Brahmin to
ask for his young daughters hand. "My dear Sir", he goes "I have heard that
your daughter has all the good qualities of a Bahu"?

The old brahmin answered "Haan !!
More that that, she is Sundara Vati and Padma Vati"

But can she cook and keep house"? Asked the young man "Oh yes,
she is Dharma Vati" answered the old man

"Now, can she sew"? asked the young man "Oh yes yes,
she can not only sew, but she is KalaVati " answered the old man

"What about her education"? Asked the young man
"She is Vidya Vati" answered the old man

"And the Vedas"? Asked the young man "Oh yes yes ,
she is Veda Vati" answered the old man

The young man is very happy to find the perfect bride and gets married to her.
Two days later he comes back with his newly married bride in town.

The old Brahmin is surprised.

He asks "What happeded son"?
Why do you look so upset?

The young man says ... "Well sir you told me that your daughter is
SundaraVati,
PadmaVati,
DharmaVati,
Kala Vati,
VIdyaVati and
VedaVati.

But... but ...

But you did`nt tell me that ...

...

...

...

...
she is "GARBHAVATI" also!!

Turkey [RdY]

0
1 year ago
by DesiVitch in
Turkey
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the supermarket, but couldnt find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

Sick leave policy {dv}

0
1 year ago
by DesiVitch in



[-DESIVIBES-]




SICK LEAVE POLICY




TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

SUBJECT: SICK LEAVE POLICY

*******

SICKNESS

No excuse...We will no longer accept your doctor's statement as proof. We believe that if you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

*******

AN OPERATION

We are no longer allowing this practice. We wish to discourage any thoughts that you may need an operation. We believe that as long as you are an employee here, you will need all of whatever you have and should not consider having anything removed. We hired you as you are, and to have anything removed would certainly make you less than we bargained for.

*******

DEATH

Other than your own. This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for them, and we are sure that someone else can attend to the arrangements. However, if the funeral can be held in the late afternoon, we will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently let you leave 1 hour early, provided your share of the work is ahead enough to keep the job going in your absence.

*******

DEATH (YOUR OWN):

This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice as we feel it is your duty to train your replacement.

*******

ALSO

Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, those whose names begin with "A" will go from 8:00-8:15, and so on. If you're unable to go at your time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your time comes again.


We appreciate your cooperation.


THE MANAGEMENT

*******




Corporate Stupidity – Yours_CJ – DaX

0
1 year ago
by DesiVitch in
-=|| DaXclusive ||=-


Corporate Stupidity

"As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks."
(Microsoft Corp. in Redmond WA)

"What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter."
(Lykes Lines Shipping)

"E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business."
(Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)

"This project is so important we can't let things that are more important interfere with it."
(Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)

"Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule."
(Plant Manager, Delco Corporation)

"No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them."
(R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)

Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say."
(Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)

My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me."
(Shipping executive, FTD Florists)

"We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees."
(Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)

Regards..

Geo to aisay !! {DV}

0
1 year ago
by DesiVitch in
Buhat taiz garmi mein log bus stop per khaday BUS ka wait ker rahay thay
itnay mein aik Fakeer aya or sab se bheeek mangi
or Auto rickshaw main beth ker chala gaya


GEO TO AISAY

Coverage [RdY]

0
1 year ago
by DesiVitch in
Coverage
A man came back to the dealer from whom he bought a new car.
"I believe you gave me a guarantee with my car," he said. That's right, sir," the salesman answered. "We will replace anything that breaks."
"Fine, I need a new garage door."

Safe Landing [RdY]

0
1 year ago
by DesiVitch in
Safe Landing
A pilot landed a plane with a rather bumpy landing. As part of his job, he was required to stand by the terminal door and say goodbye to the passengers as they exited the airplane. He was afraid that someone might say something about his rather less than perfect landing, but everyone left without saying a word except for one passenger, an elderly lady, she slowly approached the pilot after most passengers had exited the plane and asked, "Did we land? Or were we shot down?"
Go to Top